It's much smarter to talk about condoms before having sex, but that
doesn't make it easy. Some people - even those who are already having
sex - are embarrassed by the topic of condoms. But not talking about
condoms affects a person's safety. Using condoms properly every time
is the best protection against STDs - even if you're using another
form of birth control like the Pill.
So how can you overcome your embarrassment about talking about
condoms? Well, for starters it can help to know what a condom looks
like, how it works, and what it's like to handle one. Buy a box
of condoms so you can familiarize yourself.
The next thing to get comfortable with is bringing up the topic
of condoms with a partner. Practice opening lines. If you think
your partner will object, work out your response ahead of time.
Here are some possibilities:
Your partner says: "It's uncomfortable."
You might answer this by suggesting a different brand or size.
Your partner says: "It puts me right out of the mood."
Say that having unsafe sex puts you right out of the mood. Permanently.
Your partner says: "If we really love each other, we should
trust each other."
Say that it's because you love each other so much that you want
to be sure you're both safe.
Your partner says: "Are you nervous about catching something?"
The natural response: "Aren't you? It's better to be safe than
Your partner says: "I won't enjoy sex if we use a condom."
Say you can't enjoy sex unless it's safe.
Your partner says: "I don't know how to put it on."
This one's easy: "Here, let me show you."
After you've familiarized yourself with condoms and practiced your
routine, you'll want to pick the right time to bring up the subject
with your partner. A good time to do this is long before you're
in a situation where you might need a condom. When people are caught
up in the heat of the moment, they may find they're more likely
to be pressured into doing something they regret later.
Try bringing up the topic in a matter-of-fact way. You might mention
that you've bought some condoms and checked them out and that you're
ready to try using them. Offer to bring your box along. Or suggest
that your partner buy his or her favorite brand (and then bring
some of yours with you, just to be on the safe side). Offer to try
different types of condoms to find which works best for both of
Make it clear that you won't have sex without a condom. (Remember
those responses you rehearsed.) If someone threatens you or says
they'd rather break up than wear a condom, it's time for you to
say good-bye. Tell the person you won't have sex with someone who
doesn't respect you or themselves enough to use protection.
Here are some tips for using condoms:
- Check the expiration date (condoms can dry and crack if they're
- Choose condoms made of latex, which is thought to be more effective
in preventing STDs.
- If you use lubricants with condoms, always use water-based ones.
Shortening, lotion, petroleum jelly, or baby oil can make holes.
- Open the condom packet with your hands, not your teeth, and
open it carefully so you don't tear the condom.
- Choose a condom with a reservoir tip. Lightly pinch the top
of the condom and place it at the top of your (or your partner's)
penis. This gets rid of trapped air, which can cause a condom
- Roll the condom down until it's completely rolled out - if it's
inside out, throw it away and start over.
- When you're done, you (or your partner) should withdraw while
holding the condom at the base of the penis to prevent the condom
from slipping off.
These aren't the only tips on discussing and using condoms. If
you want more advice, talk to your friends, siblings, or parents.
Yes, parents. Not everyone feels comfortable talking about sex with
their parents, of course, but lots of teens do. And they usually
find that the best tips come from their parents.
Health professionals are also great sources of advice on sex and
sexuality. A doctor or nurse practitioner or someone at a local
health or family planning clinic can offer you advice - confidentially
Of course, the only way to be 100% safe from becoming pregnant
or getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) is abstinence (not
having sex). But if you do decide to have sex, using a condom allows
you to treat yourself right and with respect.